Already got asked if we're dating
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
