I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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