Pregnant stripper...not hot.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
