She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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