So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
