yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize