And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
