i would punch a child for taco bell
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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