walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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