I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
