I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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