i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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