I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize