i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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