So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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