you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
