yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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