but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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