used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
