I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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