How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize