Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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