Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
