Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
