peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
