It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
