Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
