So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
