i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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