Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize