My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
