yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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