so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
