Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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