Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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