Sry I called you an 8
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
