ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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