if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
