I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
