I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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