Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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