So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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