everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize