I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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