I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
