just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
