we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
