My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
