I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
