"it" just moved
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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