i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
