what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
