I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
