i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
