I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
