He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
