You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
