its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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