Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
