i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
