One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
