Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
