I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
