No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize