I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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