It's Friday. Sex?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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